How do you feel about your needs? Do you notice them? Do you meet them? Do you dismiss them? ignore them? run from them? drown them with wine or sweeten them with ice-cream? flatten them with force or work them out at the gym?
Recently, in my healing room I have noticed clients bringing issues that have to do with our needs. Or more specifically that stem from either being unaware of or dismissing our needs as a mere nuisance.
Have you noticed that in many western communities, it is common to be proud of our independance (no matter that it’s verging on isolation), that neediness is either disregarded or outright frowned upon and that self neglect has been elevated to an enviable rank as if it were a synonym for strength?
This is such a prevalent issue in our society that I thought I would share a little of what I know can help.
It’s a fact many of us have a hard time identifying our needs let alone communicating them peacefully or meeting them a lot of the time. Many of us are “too polite” to stand up for ourselves and our needs. That is until we’ve stretched ourselves too far and …
So why do we need to know about our needs?
Well, it might be obvious, but the more aware we become of our needs, the easier it becomes to actually meet them. And by that, I mean, claim them, own them and communicate them respectfully, take care of them. Take responsibility.
Why does it matter to not sweep them under the carpet?
Well, unmet needs, don’t go away. In fact they fester and will at some point come out sideways, in an entirely different shape and form; as a burst of anger or blame, as judgment of ourselves or another, as envy of another’s situation or lifestyle or they might emerge as an accusation or a demand. Unmet needs might appear as resentment if we have put someone else in the driving seat and they have fallen short of our expectation.
Do any of these seem familiar? If so, you might be on to finding an unmet need that needs you.
What are you looking for? What are needs exactly?
Needs are shared by all of humanity and are defined as an internal condition which seeks a meeting or a holding.
Maslow defined them in the fifities as follows:
- Physiological: food, water, warmth, rest, sex
- The need for safety: security, freedom from fear, stability, protection from the elements
- The need for love: interpersonal relationships, intimate relationships, friends, being part of a group or community, a sense of belonging, giving and receiving love and affection, trust, acceptance
- The need for esteem: a sense of self-esteem (self worth, dignity, achievement, mastery, acceptance) and a sense of respect from others (being seen, accepted, acknowledged, valued, reputation)
Other needs include spiritual beliefs and communion, harmony, beauty, inspiration, peace, fun, laughter, play, celebration, inspiration…
- Which needs (or group of needs) are you most aware of and which are you neglecting?
- Could you use some help with receiving?
- Are your attempts at meeting your needs not going as well as you’d like?
I can help, just email-me
So now that you know about them, and know how they might come out if unmet, what can you do to bring more awareness there?
More about that in my next post… and in the meantime…
If you know of anyone else who might benefit from this, please feel free to pass it on or send them a link to SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER.